Forest Row Bike Club

Ride Report

Tonbridge - 6th November 2016

When I’ve written ride reports previously, they have contained my interpretation of the happenings that occurred on the day. I once speculated what I thought may have happened in my absence. On this occasion, however, I am going to break new ground by forecasting the day’s events even before they have happened, as on Sunday I shall be working myself half to death keeping the country moving around.

1) I won’t arrive.

2) Graham will arrive.

3) Steve will arrive.

4) Sienna may arrive, and if she does, and finds me not there, will wonder whether to go home again.

5) Martha may arrive, and if she does, and finds me not there, will not notice, and go on the ride anyway.

6) Trex will be late.

7) Trex will make an excuse with no credibility whatsoever for being late.

8) Trex will fall off.

9) Everyone on the ride will be able to speak to their heart’s content without having to listen to me.

10) Trex will fall off.

11) At the lunch stop, everyone will agree how quiet it is.

12) Everyone will eat their lunch and leave in a timely fashion.

13) Trex will almost fall off, and pretend that he didn’t, and hope no-one noticed.

14) Graham will have claimed all the signs.

15) Everyone will have had a great ride.

16) The end.


If you took part in a ride, why not write a report? The more florid the language, the more inflated the hyperbole, the more tumescent the innuendo, the greater your chance of winning the FRBC Prize for Original Plagiarism.

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